i took my sister to a psychiatric clinic today, hoping to get her on ADD meds because she’s had it since she was a child and my parents refused to treat it which resulted in her dropping out of high school.

they gave her depakote for bipolar and some kind of antihistamine/sedative for anxiety.

she took one of the antihistamines and was completely out of it for the rest of the day while I drove her back to her nightmare live-in nanny job almost an hour away, where she is treated like a slave and emotionally bullied by her overprivileged boss whose parents pay for everything and who sucks her pinky all night and plays video games before literally dragging her two child into her bedroom and shutting the door to let her scream.

when i finally got home after picking up Sam, my partner of 8 years, from work I climbed into bed and passed out because I had taken one of the antihistamine pills too. 

I couldn’t look at Sam. I haven’t looked at his face all day since last night after I cried myself to sleep after a discussion of the way our relationship is completely fucked and not functioning correctly anymore, I guess he shaved his head. Or half of his head. That’s what he told me, and the hair all over the bathroom is evidence enough for me because I don’t want to look at him, I’m afraid to look at him.

I woke up from the blackest sleep with no dreams whatsoever to the sound of my phone ringing over and over and over.

it was my sister, who was being told that she was getting kicked out if she expected her boss to pay taxes on the $100 a week she gives her. so i guess she’ll be living here now, with me and my half-shaved partner in a studio apartment with no doors, not even to the bathroom.

our “parents” made it very clear to her on the phone last night that they will not offer her any assistance whatsoever, no money for food, no money for doctor’s bills, no money for anything. because she left them. on her 19th birthday.

you hear that loud crash? that’s my life falling to pieces.